Couldn’t sleep last night. Too tired to get up and be the typical workaholic that I am, but too awake to turn my brain off.
Spent some time thinking about “shootings,” trying to wrap my finite mind around it, trying to imagine the horror, putting myself in the victims’ place. I’ve tried to imagine and recite – with resolve – that if I were asked my “religion,” just what I would say.
If it were my last moment, “Christian” just wouldn’t suffice. No, perhaps “I follow the Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God”? Hmmm…trying to be profound and make my last words count. But could I actually do it? Yes. I must. The Bible says we must never deny Jesus. Would I take a bullet? Yes. I resolved yes. By God’s grace…Lord, give me the power never to deny you, no matter the cost…
But that prayer leads me to a certain uneasiness. I think about “taking bullets.” I think about my noble decision to associate with Christ in the face of death. Then I think about my decision to associate with Christ in trivial, average, and less-heroic circumstances…
Around people who think my faith is full of flaws and foolishness. In a situation where I could say/do something socially awkward, but that may have value in the spectrum of eternity. When I want to feel sorry for myself. When I want to stay angry with someone who’s wronged me. When I would just like to grumble and complain and be a victim. When I choose selfish gain and vanity over service and humility. In my daily responsibility of financial stewardship. In a moment of petty frustration with my toddlers?
What about “taking a bullet” then? How resolved am I to associate with Christ and die to myself in those uneventful, unseen moments? The moments that make up most of my life?
I ask myself. Would I take a “bullet” to my pride for Christ? My spending habits? To my schedule? To my desire to get even?
Would I take a bullet to my “right” to be bitter or angry? To my selfishness? To my vanity? To my plans? For the sake of honoring Jesus and associating with Him honorably and completely?
By God’s grace…Lord, give me – give us, your children – the power never to deny you, no matter the cost…large OR small.