I am in a unique position today. As I read and hear opinions from opposing sides of the Supreme Court’s decision on same sex marriage, my heart gets it…from both sides. My position is unique because I identified myself as a lesbian and was part of the LGBT community for several years, yet I am now married to a wonderful man and together we have a beautiful son.
I would like to apologize for Christians who are not acting like Christians towards the LGBT community. It is not anyone’s job to condemn. God’s word tells us we have ALL fallen short of the glory of God. I have no right or authority to consider myself better or more righteous than anyone else. For it is by God’s grace alone that I have been saved, through faith, which is not of myself. It is a gift of God so that I cannot boast for what I’ve done (Ephesians 2:10).
Because of my own past, I believe I have a great understanding of the hearts of those who are living within the LGBT community. When I read their thoughts, I totally get it, and my heart aches. They just want to be heard and want to love the person they love. They want that love recognized just as heterosexual love is recognized. They can’t help the way they were born. They didn’t choose it, it chose them. What is wrong with loving someone? After all…GOD. IS. LOVE. He CREATED it! Those are the same thoughts and words that came out of my mouth for several years. I knew I was born gay. I was the girl who hated wearing dresses and begged my mom for a San Diego Charger’s football uniform when I was 6 years old. My favorite thing to do was play tackle football, turn my G.I. Joe men into ruthless warriors, beat the boys in sports, walk, talk, and dress like a little dude. I was all “boy” yet I was still a girl.
So I get where the LGBT community is coming from because I was once a huge part of it. I lived the lesbian lifestyle for years and appreciated and valued everything it stands for. To this day, I have many LGBT friends and I adore them because they are beautiful people on the inside and out. Several have been in long lasting loving relationships with one another and have exemplified a strong commitment to each other for years. I believe it is possible to do that. But I also believe there’s more to it than that.
When it comes to my own personal journey as a lesbian, my parents and friends knew about it and I was free to live how I wanted to live. But something happened to me. I had developed into an alcoholic. I started going to Alcoholics Anonymous and was in and out of A.A. for a few years until I finally came to a place of complete brokenness and surrender. It was there that I began to rely on God in every moment of my life in order to stay sober. My sponsor in A.A. recommended not dating anyone while getting sober so that I wouldn’t shift my dependency from alcohol over to another person. She was well aware of how I identified myself and loved and accepted me anyway. I’ll forever be grateful for that. Her main concern was that I focused on God and healing. I didn’t dream where it would take me, but I knew it was working. I was staying sober. It was through that sobriety that I started discovering things about myself that I had never looked at before…ways I viewed men and women.
I saw great strength and power in the male gender and that’s what I wanted to possess. But I also rejected men because I didn’t trust, respect, or value them because of what I had witnessed in my life, different ways men had devalued women. I vowed that would not happen to me and I saw no use for men. I knew I could be successful without a man and would never have to deal with being hurt by one.
Then there was the other part of me that never felt good enough as a female. I rejected many facets of my femininity because I equated them with weakness. I held onto some of those feminine traits because I didn’t want to embarrass my family, or those traits didn’t show too much weakness, or they gave me power in some way. I came to rely on those qualities for success in many areas of my life. But when I saw women that possessed qualities I lacked, I was attracted to them…qualities that were nurturing, gentle, vulnerable, loving, feminine, and beautiful. When I received attention from those females it made me feel important. The more attention I could receive, the more value I felt within myself. Plus, it was easier. I clicked easily with women because they thought, in many ways, the same way I did…because they were women. Also, I TRUSTED women. They were SAFE. That connection also made me feel validated because of that internal rejection within myself about my own femininity. Plus, women were loyal. Not so self-seeking as I believed men to be. And I would be the protector and strong one…the one always in control.
As I continued my journey in staying sober and focusing on God, He began softening my heart towards men. As I grew in Him and my heart began healing, I was able to forgive men that I witnessed hurting others. I also made amends with men that I myself hurt and used for my own selfish gain. As that process continued I began to value men and see how special they really are and how they complement women just as women complement men. I also had the gift of witnessing Godly men around me who were amazing husbands to their wives. They displayed the biblical view of how a husband is to treat his wife. I saw their wives displaying Godly character as well towards their husbands. I couldn’t believe it, my thoughts were changing. My respect and value in men and in marriage began increasing. Along with that, I began to see myself as God sees me. The more I understood who He is, the more I understood who I am in Him. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, the daughter of the One True King. Beautiful. Radiant.
I began to realize that God created men and women to BOTH serve a great purpose. We were BOTH CREATED IN HIS IMAGE, and TOGETHER, when unified with one another, we represent the full of image of God and His relationship with us. That was such a new revelation to me. I never fully understood that until I began to study His word.
Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
A little later in Genesis 2:24, God says, “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
Marriage is an earthly tangible example of God displayed among us. It also shows the beauty of how much He loves us and wants to dwell among us because He is going through US to represent HIM. God created love so that we could experience Him and use that experience to glorify Him. The way we glorify Him is using love the way He intended it to be used…to represent Him.
In Matthew 19:4, Jesus was talking to Pharisees about questions they had regarding divorce. Although the supreme court’s decision does not pertain to divorce but to same sex marriage, Jesus is reaffirming God’s divine creation. Jesus himself said, “Haven’t you read, that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, ‘for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but ONE. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
This was a very powerful statement by Jesus because He not only reaffirmed what God said hundreds of years prior, but he excluded any deviation from God’s original design by clearly stating man and woman. There’s no other way around that statement. He didn’t say, “A man will leave his mother and father and be united with the person he loves.” Jesus was/is all knowing because He was/is the Son of God. He knew what was to come in the future and that there would be this concept of sexual orientation. All He has to say is a man will be united with his wife and that excludes all other forms of two people becoming one flesh, and that’s exactly what He said.
There is also another divine representation of marriage that absolutely cannot be dismissed. A repeated theme occurs throughout the bible referring to the church as the bride of Christ and as Christ as the bridegroom.
A marriage between a man and woman represents the love between Christ and the church, where He gave himself up for her.
In Ephesians Chapter 5, Paul is talking to husbands and wives. He reaffirms just as Jesus did, as he repeats the scripture in Genesis stating “For this reason, man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.” Then Paul goes on to say, “This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the Church.”
And in Revelation 21, this chapter refers to the coming wedding between Christ, the bridegroom, and the church, His bride.
Marriage is the communion WITH God and the image OF God and the symbolic representation of His Son Jesus’ loving union with the church, His people.
Although I do believe there are same sex marriages that can experience happiness, I also believe this union denies the all-encompassing, magnificent, divine beginning of creation. A marriage between two men only represents half of who God is and the same with two women. It also denies the bride/groom relationship that is repeated throughout the bible – Christ’s loving union with His people, the church.
Any of us can deviate from God’s sexual design in many other ways other than just homosexuality. God has given us free will to do so. The terms “hetersosexual, homosexual, transgender, and many other forms of gender identity or sexual orientation that exist, are all man made terms. God made us sexual beings who, when unified, were meant to represent Him and His relationship with us. We must be careful to respect The Artist’s design. Afterall, HE created US.
Jesus paid a price so that we could live free of shame and condemnation so that we could be of service to God. Because of that, I can live in a peace and freedom that allows me to love others just as He loves us. Loving Him also means obeying Him and respecting His word because God IS the word.
John 1:1 “In the beginning was the Word, and the word was with God, and the Word was God”
Jesus said, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.” John 14:23
Love Really Wins
If we love Him, we will desire to keep His word. We will not be perfect in doing so because we are sinners incapable of living out a perfect life. That’s why we need Him in our lives. That’s why He gives us grace and His mercies are made new every morning. I personally will mess up every day. But as I put Him first in my life, He continues to transform different parts of me into the likeness of Him. That’s why I need Him in my life daily. He IS my daily bread. I cannot be transformed without Him. Apart from Him, I can do nothing according to His will, because apart from Him, I am a sinner and will carry out every sin I want. Today, I want Him to be my daily bread because I have experienced how good He is. The fruit of putting Him first in my life is by far greater than any other way I have ever lived.
Jesus sat at the table and dined with sinners hoping they would see something different in Him, something better, something especially beautiful, and choose His way over their own. That’s what He wants us to do today.
If you are a skeptic or not a believer in Christ Jesus as the son of God, what I’m saying may not resonate with you. God’s word tells me this in 1 Corinthians 2:14, “The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.” I highly recommend you research the word of God. The more I have studied Him, the more I understand His divine plan on this earth and the more His Sovereignty astounds me.
Today, I sit here blown away by the work God has done in my life. Ten years ago, I would never have imagined I would be sitting here writing these words about who God is and how He has transformed my life. There are many moments, especially as I cook dinner with my husband or enjoy the sweet embrace of my son’s hugs that melt me to no end, I shake my head in disbelief. He can do the same in yours if you let Him.
If you are in disagreement with how God has designed marriage, please know that I love you in the midst of our disagreement. I realize this post may cause me to lose friends simply because of my stance on marriage. I hope that’s not the case. I’m not here to stir up trouble. I’m here to kick it and experience life to the fullest. For me that consists of being transformed into the likeness of Christ so that others may know Him through my example. He loves and because I love Him and want to be like Him, I love too. That means you’re included because He loves you and therefore, so do I.
Love. Really. Does. Win.