Sticks and Stones

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but sometimes I’d prefer that.
I’ve never had a broken bone, but many words have hurt me.

I was born with a big heart and a bigger mouth. Though I love people, my delivery of love sometimes is jumbled and/or misinterpreted. How thankful I am for those who take the time to clarify with me. I’m grieved that something I express to them in love has caused them pain—I didn’t see the possibility of misinterpretation! And, I’m relieved that they care enough to let me clarify—they believe I have good intent.

Most of us fall into one of two categories: offended or offender. I fall most often into the latter. It takes a lot to offend me and I don’t enjoy the conflict, so I’ll do my best to quickly resolve things. The problem arises when I cause offense and the offended does not wish to reconcile. It is more common in today’s world of internet communication, where inflection, facial expression, tone of voice are all stripped from our words.

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And, when I’ve unintentionally offended, I am unable to right the wrong until it is brought to my attention.
Can I please, on behalf of all of us with big hearts and bigger mouths, ask you to love us enough to let us know?
There is nothing more painful than to have a relationship with a friend, one based on trust and communication, and to find out from another friend that an offense lingers.

Regardless of the scope of the pain, the entire friendship must balance on honesty and trust, and love is key to the delivery for reconciliation!

Also, when given second-hand information, it is best to wait. Wait on the Lord, who can give you more than a band-aid on these word wounds! Truthfully, time can sometimes soften the blows of the words before you ask if there is a lingering offense and it may turn out to be nothing. Perhaps the second-hand information was a misinterpretation on another’s ears!
People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. 10 And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! James 3:7-10 (NLT)

When we are wounded, we want comfort. Often though, we lash out, hoping for validation. “I’m sorry” is at best, a bandaid compared to what our Lord does inside us with His Holy Spirit. He is the only restorer of wounded hearts. He changes us so much that, like Jesus, we intercede on their behalf for forgiveness!

This has so moved me that I’m in the midst of writing a song. In the future I hope to link it on this page, but for now I’ll share some of the lyrics.

“Hearts are weak, hearts are broken, no more strength within.
You are King, You have spoken, You forgive our sins.

Jesus, Jesus, heal our broken hearts.
Jesus, Jesus, Lord, how great Thou art.

Your close friends, they betrayed You, You have known our pain.
Yet You prayed, please forgive them, help us do the same.

Jesus, Jesus, heal our broken hearts.
Jesus, Jesus, Lord, how great Thou art.

Time may pass, lives are fleeting, what have we to show?
You will reign, King Eternal, You must be our hope.

Jesus, Jesus, come and heal our lands.
Jesus, Jesus, time is in Your Hands.”

How about you? Have you been burned, stung, cut by careless words?
I will be praying for your wounded hearts. You can simply leave a comment below, as we here at Brave Girl Community know that it’s all for God’s glory that we are alive and healing.

Tammy

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4 Comments

  1. This is something that is hard for me. Growing up letting someone know that they hurt or offended me was not a safe thing to do. For a lot of people it causes us to have to be vulnerable and trusting enough in that person not to lash out at us for bringing the offense to surface. From the opposite side of where you are coming from I’ve found that praying about it and letting God soften my heart to what was said has helped and then pray that He will open a door for me to communicate that hurt to the offender. Great post tammy! love hearing this perspective.

    Reply
    • Laura,
      thank you so much for your reply. It is so true that we can have great risk with sharing the truth over an offense. In some cases, I agree, it may be better to take it to God and Him alone. In the case of a close friendship where the trust and vulnerability are supposed to be the foundation, this lack of honesty can cut the friendship and destroy it.
      Wise words from a wise woman. Thank you so much for sharing with us.
      love,
      Tammy

      Reply
  2. I absolutely love those lyrics Tammy. This article is right on time today. I really blew it last night with a former friend. I started out the conversation with the intent to just let her know I miss her. And she turned it into a fight. As usual. I let my hurts speak instead of the Holy Spirit speaking through me. I threw all nudging from the Lord aside and let my flesh speak. Big mistake. Not only does it damage my witness with this person but it could really make this friendship irreparable. I am asking for prayer today to own up to my wrong doing and let this person know. No matter how wrong they’ve treated me I need to acknowledge my wrong doing to be in right standing with the Lord. I am having a hard time putting the words together because this person isn’t the forgiving kind. She has a tendency to hold on to her record of wrongs against me with an iron fist. Our friendship was very one sided when it was “good”. She hates her circumstances and wanted someone to commiserate with most of the time. I consider myself to be a very upbeat and optimistic person and was finding myself turning into a very negative and depressed person when we were friends. Unfortunately I’m not the only person she treats this way. I’m very raw today and really crying out to the Lord for direction. This article was an answer to my pray I feel. Very good, very much for me today. Thank you!

    Reply
    • Jeneva,
      oh you brave girl, you! So glad that God is speaking to your heart of hearts. He will use every wound you’ve endured from this woman for His glory. I am so sorry that I cannot personally reach through this computer and hug you today, but please know that we here are touched by your willingness to be real and vulnerable with all of us here. And, I will be praying that God brings a wounded (but healed) friend to you that will love you with the friendship of 1 Corinthians 13. One that understands you and accepts you readily!
      You may be encouraged by my “Friendless No More” post.
      As Laura stated above (or below, however these stack), there are sometimes we will not have the peace of an earthly reconciliation.
      Sometimes in our pain we can write a letter, then tear it up or put it in a fireplace and surrender that pain to our Lord, without passing the pain on to others.
      You are legitimate in your grief from a love lost. Oh and how He longs to comfort you to the innermost depths of your soul!
      Be encouraged, Jeneva, you are not walking alone.
      Love,
      BraveGirl Tammy

      Reply

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